


Let's Talk About Sex

by leiascully



Category: Marvel
Genre: F/F, F/M, Multi, Sex Talk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-13
Updated: 2013-06-13
Packaged: 2017-12-14 20:33:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,243
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/841094
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leiascully/pseuds/leiascully
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Once a week, the ladies like to unwind with booze and detailed recounts of their sexy adventures.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Let's Talk About Sex

**Author's Note:**

> Timeline: N/A  
> A/N: Because why not? And for allihavemet via tumblr. This is all over the place with respect to comics canon vs. movie canon, but we'll all just deal with it for the ladies.  
> Disclaimer: _The Avengers_ and all related characters are property of Marvel Studios and Joss Whedon. No profit is made from this work and no infringement is intended.

"Oh, and then there was the time that I had to seduce that duchess of wherever," Natasha said. "She was a tiger. Obsessed with champagne. I don't even know how much of it we drank. By the time I got her clothes off, all I could taste was champagne and she kept pouring it over herself. The sheets were soaked."

"A lady in the streets but a freak in the bed?" Kate asked. "Am I right? I'm right."

"Oh my," Pepper said, stifling a smile as she looked into her margarita glass. 

"It's a song," Natasha told her. "Isn't it past your bedtime, Katie?"

"Fuck off," Kate suggested, leaning back comfortably in her chair. 

"Let her stay," Carol said. "If she's old enough to fight, she's old enough to hear about your conquests." 

"As long as we don't have to hear about hers," Jess said, pouring herself another margarita. 

"Hah," Kate said. "I'm not going to touch that one."

"Speaking of touching," Natasha said to Pepper, "Tony Stark. He give as good as he makes out?"

Pepper blushed delicately. "I think I need another drink before I talk about that."

"That's the whole reason we're here," Jess said, dipping her finger in a dish of salt and licking it off. 

Pepper set down her margarita and folded her hands in her lap. "Ah, well, Tony is very talented."

"We've all seen the codpiece on that suit of armor," Carol said. "Does he live up to his reputation?"

"Yes?" Pepper said, very pink. 

"Does he get all tech-y in bed?" Kate asked.

"Um," Pepper said. "Sometimes."

"Baby Avenger wants to know if you use sex toys," Natasha said.

"Young Avenger," Kate corrected. "Not-so-young-anymore kind-of-Avenger."

"Well, you know Tony," Pepper said. "He's very, um, fond of technology. The bedroom's not an exception."

"I bet Jarvis gets in on it," Jess teased. Pepper went scarlet.

"We'll just get her drunker," Carol said. "I'm sure it'll all come spilling out after another few of these." She topped up her glass. "We all know Natasha puts out."

"Everybody's got a talent," Natasha said salaciously.

"How's Captain America?" Jess asked. "Everything functional since he got thawed out? Asking for a friend." She elbowed Carol, who coughed into her drink.

"Not as sweet as you'd think," Natasha told them. "In a good way. The first time we fucked, we basically just tore all each other's clothes off and then he put me up against the refrigerator. So he's fucking me and my back is freezing, because it's one of those fancy metal ones and it's always kind of cold, and we're going at it so hard that the fridge is rocking a little. I thought it was going to come loose from the wall. And then I was coming and I wasn't paying attention and I turned on the ice maker, so suddenly there's crushed ice everywhere, and he almost slipped. I mean, he didn't, but walking through the kitchen after we were done was not fun. So he picked me up and carried me to the living room." She smirked at the memory. "I had fridge burn on my back for three days. Although some of it was rug burn. And wall burn. And some hickeys in some very interesting places. He's a gentleman, but he's not a gentle man."

"How big?" Jess asked.

Natasha held up her hands. 

"Not bad," Carol said approvingly. 

"Your turn, Jess," Natasha said. "You and Hawkeye, that still working out?"

"First of all, I still can't believe you two never fucked," Jess said. "As in, I literally do not believe it, but whatever." Natasha made a face. "Second, I'm not talking about assholes right now."

"Not into anal?" Pepper asked and then clapped her hand over her mouth. Carol laughed out loud and patted Pepper on the back. 

"I told you all you needed was a little more booze," she said. "Just let it all come spilling out."

"It never spills out," Pepper said. "We always use condoms. Tony's got a thing about fluids."

"I hope he uses lube," Natasha quipped. 

"Just his fluids," Pepper clarified. "Which is fine, I mean, no wet spot."

"Codpiece?" Carol prompted.

"Definitely," Pepper said. "Oh, definitely." She held up two fingers, measuring out the length.

Kate whistled. "Unexpected."

"You need a bigger sample size," Natasha told her.

"Tony's fucked a lot of women," Pepper said. "I mean, a _lot_ of women. And he's Tony Stark, obviously, so he has to be the best at everything. He loves to go down on me and his tongue is just, mmm, it's just perfect. And he's always inventing toys. I mean, sex toys. And they're all built to perfect specifications, just for me. I'm pretty sure he took measurements while he was down there and I was just too far gone to notice. And everything he builds is on the Stark Network, right, so it's all connected to Jarvis, and sometimes he runs it from the lab while I'm upstairs and he keeps the speaker active so that he can hear me. Oh, and he goes through these phases where he's really into double penetration, and I did _not_ expect to like that as much as I do, but it's pretty fantastic."

There was a moment of silence. Pepper smiled to herself and then put both hands over her face. "Oh God."

"Give the lady a prize," Carol said. "I can't top that tonight."

"Don't be so hard on yourself," Natasha said. "I'm sure you can top any night of the week."

"I asked him to make an attachment for the suit," Pepper said, sounding a little hysterical, and then immediately covered her mouth again. The others exchanged glances, trying not to laugh or look too intrigued.

"So," Natasha said to Jess, "if you need some no-strings, no-questions fucking while you work this out, you should go see Maria Hill. She's pretty much always up for it."

"Huh," Jess said. "She seems so tightly wound."

"The tighter they're wound, the harder they come undone," Natasha said smugly. "She knows her way around a clitoris."

"I'll take that into consideration," Jess said, licking more salt off her finger. "Fuck men."

"Exactly. Here's to fucking men," Carol said, drinking a long swig of her margarita. 

"A-fucking-men," Kate agreed.

"None of this leaves this room," Natasha warned her. 

"Duh," Kate said. 

"Well, ladies, I hate to cut it short," Carol said. "Same time next week?"

"Wouldn't miss it for the world," Jess said. She stood up and paused. "Should we do something about Pepper?"

"Go on without me," said Pepper, who had her head on the table. She waved a hand at them. "I'll be fine. I can't believe I talked about the fluids."

"You sure did," Carol said, patting Pepper on the back. "Don't worry. We'll still respect you in the morning." 

Pepper giggled helplessly. 

"Never going to hear Jarvis the same way, though," Natasha muttered as they all walked out, leaving Pepper at the table.

"I hear that," Carol said. 

"Got to respect that kind of commitment though," Jess pointed out. "Custom sex toys designed by Iron Man. I mean, that's a whole new level of bespoke right there."

They all thought about that and sighed.

"Fuck," Kate said.

"Yep," Natasha agreed. 

"Go forth and conquest," Jess said as they reached the lobby.

"You're talking next week," Carol told her.

"Likewise," Jess said. 

"You're on," Carol said, and they shook hands.


End file.
